The Lord is totally blowing me out of the water. He is exceeding my expectations way more than I could ever have imagined. I am blessed. I went running this morning in the rain and the words to a Todd Agnew song came to mind about "Grace like rain falling down on me." Running on the deserted street being soaked by rain drops made me thankful anew that I have more grace than I could ever ask for...there is nothing quite like the feeling of freedom...

AND you know, my guy made and brought me brownies today because he wanted to suprise me and make me happy. I still can't believe it. He even brought enough so that my bro and sis, and the two guys who work here could have some. Is he for real?? Oh yeah, he is for real.

I just spent the past few hours after Church sitting on my front porch, on a double rocking chair, with the sound of the wind making its way through the trees in my yard, talking about Jesus and life with a guy that I am thankful for...

We have been hanging out for a week now, and I guess you would say we are "dating" as I have yet to allow the "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing as I want to know him better before then. But, tonight, I get the feeling that I am starting, JUST starting, to fall for him. It is important to do this relationship right for me. I have had more than a few in the past that have been less than glorifying and I don't want this one to be like that.  I want this relationship, whether it works out or not, to be one I can look back and smile on...

We are taking things slow and things are moving forward. He is one of the most positive and nicest guys I have ever known. He is so giving. He already has been praying for his wife and kids. His heart is full out for the Lord and I kind of can not wait to see what kind of man he is going to be in a few years. It makes me smile to think of who he is now and who he is going to become...

I really feel like the Lord has told me that in relationships we should guard our hearts. My heart belongs only to God until He tells a guy he is allowed to ask for it. Knowing how girls respond to anything physical in a relationship, ie. kissing, I am struggling with the issue. To kiss him or not to kiss him, this is the question? How long is a good time to wait? Will the onset of physical things change the dynamic of our relationship too much at this beginning stage? Things are going so well right now...Sigh. Life questions. I am open to people's own experiences/thoughts/ideas on the issue.

I could only sleep for an hour...there is something up. It is funny that my Bible study two days ago was about God controlling me so throughout that He is in control of my reactions, which is HUGE as I am such a girl and react so emotionally to a lot of things. And, I guess we could say, at and after the Todd Agnew/Starfield/Inhabited concert (awesome by the way) tonight, I am having some major heart reactions and it kinda freaks me out. It is as if on one side this feeling makes you realize you are alive...on the other side, it scares me, a lot.

The "date" went great the other night. We simply went out to eat and talked for hours. I was surprised at how easy it was, and honestly that we have more in common than I would have thought. I want to say he is wonderful, a gentleman in such a way it makes me feel like a princess, positive, musically talented, athletic, LOVES the Lord, and well, looks kinda like Matthew Mcaunaheay(spelling?)...but there is still so much that I don't know about him. I love that when we talk we can look into each others eyes and talk about almost anything. But, it is in those moments when he talks to me and can't look into my eyes that scare me...
So, there we have it. I have people contacting me from across the US about working with them. And, I have another date on Saturday. Pray for me.

There was a rainbow in the sunset tonight.

And I got asked out on a date. Tomorrow night. One of the nicest, God loving, guys I have talked to in a very long time. We will see. Should be fun.

The moon was SO amazing tonight! I felt as if it was the brightest I have ever seen it. So, I pulled over while on my way home, sat and took in how awesome the reflection of the moon was off the lake below, messed with the shutter speed on my camera, and came away with my new background photo. Isn't that cool? That is the moon, NOT the sun...It was so beautiful. I am so blessed. I love my surroundings.

And while I was at it, I added a new profile pic of me and my Sis that we took today. She is the Yank hat wearer...I am a Mets fan myself, but I love her so I let the Yankeeness slide...

And also some faces from my travels in South Asia.

I just got this picture from my sis from our bowling adventure today with some of the family in-laws. So I HAD to share  because my niece is just TOO cute!

So apparently it is in for High School kids to wear shirts about food. Pink Floyd will probably live on forever. And "boys are like light bulbs, some are brighter than others."

First day Substitute Teaching today. I had a good time, I was a little bored as they had all these worksheets to do, but I got to read a bit of a new book, and a few students thought they would test my authority and probably now hate me.  Why is it that when kids act dumb and disrespectful and you make them pay the consequences for it you then become "ma'am?" And, when did High School kids start acting like they were 5? I may be short and look like I am still in High School, but I am not going to take your disrespectful, do whatever you want crap, oh 15 year old. I guess I am getting old, because in my day if we had dared talk back to an adult or act like a few of my kids did today you would get nailed. In India they would just hit you on the head with a stick.

My most informational interaction with a kid today went something like this:

Student: "I don't understand what we are supposed to do here."

Me: "You translate yada yada yada."

Said Student comes back later: "I can't figure out the answer to this question."

Me, after some questions: "Do you know what a century is?"

S: "like the 20th or 21st."

Me: "Right. How many years make up a century?"

S: blank stare

Me: "Do you know what a decade is?"

S: blank stare

Me: "Do you know how many years are in a decade?"

S: "I have no idea what a decade is..."

HOLY COW???!!!

EDIT: I saw one of the High School kids at Church this morning. She wasn't in the class I was subbing for but she "heard I got onto 6th period." Word gets around! Ha ha.

As I sit here in my old house, surrounded by no one familiar from days of old, there is techno music blaring from the other room, from the speakers of a practical stranger's computer, whom I feel as though I should treat differently but don't. Life is a little weird to me sometimes...

God is ordering my life and I love it. I love how He does that. I love that I have no idea where I am supposed to be in a month but that I have THE Jehovah Jireh as my guide. I love that not knowing allows me to take one day at a time. I love that I am finally digging back into the Word. I love that today I got to meet a lady who totally loves the Lord, who is about to adopt a little girl from India in a few months, and that talking to her was like talking to someone I had known my whole life. I love that I have a job interview on Thursday and have no idea if I am going to get the job, but that I get to trust the Lord of Lords for the outcome of the whole ordeal, so I don't have to be concerned one little bit. I love that God taught me what it really means for my identity to be fully in Christ while in India. I love that rejection doesn't bother me anymore, since God put His perspective of His soverignty on the whole concept. I love that when I try to make my own way that God steers me right to where He wants me. I love that I am free. I love that I am loved more than any human could ever love me, ever. I love that through the tough times, times that made me want to wrench out my heart, the Lord was teaching me and changing me forever. I love when I have times that I long for someone to know me down to the depths of my soul...and then realize that SOMEONE already does...

It is funny to me that yesterday I was doing a Bible study and about half way through I was like "man this scripture seems REALLY familiar." Then I realized, it was because it should have been familiar...I had done the SAME one the day before. I am glad God allows for revisits, as yesterday I found the Words to be what I was going to need to repeat to myself over and over that very night and even some today...
The solution to fretting (and my encouragement from God to trust in Him and be patient when I have been home from India for almost 7 weeks and have no job, no car, [you kinda need a car to have a job, and a job to have a car kinda deal] no plan, no insurance, no precise direction, etc.) taken from Psalm 37:
Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. (reminds me to think back on God's Words in Jeremiah 29:7 about seeking the welfare of the place the Lord has taken you as in its welfare is your welfare)
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and he will do it. (Ephesians 3:20...He is able to do 'exceeding abundantly' beyond all that we ask or think)
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; (Rest and Patience...hmmm)
Do not fret, it leads only to evil doing.
But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.
Thank you Lord for your perfect timing with the Word. Now please help me abide in Your Truth...not just hearing it and then walking away, but actually doing what it says... And thank you for my awesome big sis...coming home would not have been the same with out her. I love you Jen!

"Barbara lost her flower on the Tower of Terror."

This week I have been in Florida and that line has to be the most memorable line of my time down here so far.

I think the Tower of Terror has to be my all time favorite theme park ride...and I love that EVERY time I am at the park there is no line and I get to ride it a few times in a row...one day I will ride it over and over and over to see how many rides it takes to make me ill. This time I only got to ride it 3 times, and only 2 of those times were in a row.

I have realized that I have been home just about 6 weeks now from India and while the traveling around and visiting all my friends and family has been WAY fun and a blessing...I am TIRED. I am ready to settle down and rest. I need to or I am going to crash and burn.

And finally....one day I hope to be able to visit my mother without turning into the living example of a spawn of satan...my relationship with my mother has to be one of the bigger struggles of my existence...and I can't help but know that I am such a terrible witness of the transformation in my life each time I walk away from time spent with her...Lord, you are the only One who can change me...