"nah, its just boys, they dont make decisions well and they have a hard time figuring out what they want"

"ok, let me just babble and explain here:

if a guy likes a girl but doesnt know if she likes him, then he will over think everything and be very indecisive about everything"

"if a guy likes a girl and she likes him and things start moving forward, he may have questions about marriage, whether he is ready for it, maybe he is wondering if you are the one and there isnt another, maybe he just doenst know what he wants"

The thoughts a guy friend of mine shared with me the other night. I thought they were quite good to hear...

So, after my OH so dramatic entry the other night I figured something in my life regarding the relationship with John needed to change. We had a LONG talk last night and as far as I am concerned things are over between us. I am freed up to move on now. He is not ready for it to be OVER but is not sure about things either right now so I don't want to be left hanging on his indecisiveness. I have learned a lot about what I want through all of this, so it is good. We will cease communication. I told him if he ever decided that he wanted to pursue me and it was with his whole heart he could get back in contact with me. I at the same time told him not to expect me to be waiting for him so if he is brought to the conclusion that I am what he wants there will no longer be any guarentee I will still be there at that time...So, that is that.

I leave for Bangkok in the morning!

Gotta go, work is calling to me....

Right. SO, now that I have gotten over that moment in my life's now history I will write a more normal entry

Yes, in case I did not say on here, John and I broke up about the middle of June. It has been a terrible few months as far as my heart is concerned and honestly I can not wait for the day when my heart is healed and I have moved on from this...we all go through heart break in life right? I guess it was just my time...I just never knew it would feel like it does...b/c in your mind you rationalize and should be able to make your heart feel different right? Then how come your heart never listens to your mind?? Just PR that my heart would move on and be healed, resting in His loving hands...

My RLT meeting today went really well . It was amazing to be in one room with all the minds of my Regional Leadership. It is cool to see how they all think in just the right, yet different, way enabling for them to really evaluate things in their fullest. It gave new meaning today to sit there and see how each one played their part...each is a part of the body, each being so very important, each with their own contribution...I look forward to seeing what things come out of all that was discussed today...

You know, I am SO tired of my heart hurting so badly.

OK. I am TOTALLY stressing right now!!! I am working on this powerpoint presentation for the Regional Leadership that I am doing tomorrow and I am totally over whelmed!  What is wrong with me! Someone help.... I am SO not normally like this....argh! So many people, so much information! Hmm, why does one get stressed in the first place...something to think about...

Why does it sound like a dragon is flapping its wings outside of my house? B/c there is a HUGE blue tarp running along the whole side of my flat and when the wind blows it snaps the whole thing! They put it up there to keep all the dust from the contruction of the house next door out of my house...now I feel as though I am walking into a blue tunnel every time I come home...today I had that Blue song in my mind for a split second till I realized I don't know ANY of the words to it...so I unlocked my door and came inside.
I was going to go running tonight when I got home. As I opened the car door to walk to my place it started to rain.... So now I sit here and watch the huge ants, which seem to only be multiplying in number, roam all over my computer desk and occasionally on my hand or legs...while I drink orange juice and eat white cheddar cheese-its!

Did I tell yall that last week there was a cobra, yep the snake, on the walking path at my office? They have FINALLY decided it is time to cut the grass that is as high as my knees around there...now when the tennis ball goes out of the court I have this vision of a cobra popping out on me as I dig through the high grass as I am trying to retrieve it...I read in a book today about cobras that they are mostly noctural...that is good, but when they do bite you, they not only bite you but chew on you?!  What the heck??

You know, discipline is a good thing. I am going to get up and go running anyway...

Well, I just got home from my run. I left out of my house at about 7:40 and it is now 10:30...yeah, I ran that WHOLE time. Have a TON on my heart right now....HA! Yeah right! I did run for about 21 minutes which is pretty good. Funny how you never realize your neighborhood has hills until you start running through it

Of course, typical India. I am TOTALLY gross from running so I came in to turn the water on to heat up for my shower and my power goes out..so I sit here really gross and have to wait for the lights and stuff to come back on so I can shower...well, and for me to pretty much be able to do anything I want to do...at least the internet still works

Well, how about that, the power just came back on ...now I just have to occupy myself for the next 30 minutes while I wait for the water to heat up for my shower.

So, I have decided that I don't want to just run but that I should take the opportunity to pray for my neighborhood at the same time. Tonight I ran by one house where I could hear them doing their pooja inside. Then when I got to my street, I walked around the block once to cool down, I saw these two ladies sitting on the wall outside a house. So, I decided to stop and talk to them in my nastiness. How embarrassing that at the end of our wall sitting convo I got up to see proof of my sweaty nastiness remaining in a nice sized mark on the wall! Yikes! Then I got invited inside one of the homes  so I went inside in all my grossness and talked with them for hours. They fed me dinner as all Indian families do and it was REALLY great! We had much time to talk of Hinduism and dang it if I could not really speak all that much b/c the words would not come to me. What matters is that I now have relationships with this cool family and hope to continue to see them as often as I can. God is good like that. Opens doors for us to walk through...

Gargantuan ants have invaded my house! They are crawling all over everything including me...but I am coming to realize I think they are friendly...so far not one of them has bit me...if that stays the case I think I will be ok with their presence...

OK. Yes, Indian men have reached out and touched me many a time, to my dismay, but today a friend showed me there is photograpic proof! We were looking through her pictures from our trip this past week and there is one where I am climbing onto an elephant and an Indian guy had his hand right on my tush! Geesh!

Today I spent a lot of the day trying to arrange flights to Thailand and to the big P country. My friends Ben, Bev, and I are heading to what I am calling the land of mystery...I have always wanted to go there and now I will in a little more than 3 weeks. I will land in the big P and spend a week wandering the land among the people there. How cool is that?

My friends just left. They were here and we cooked ourselves a very nice Americanish dinner. Cheeseburgers, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, carrots and cucumber...ok that is an Indian thing, and vanilla coke!  Yum yum!

I met my neighbors tonight when I was sent to find some flour for dinner. They have invited me back next week for chai and snacks. I am looking forward to that! I think I am going to ask the eldest daughter to help me learn Kannada so I can speak to the people in my neighborhood...Imagine if people in my neighborhood started coming to know the Father?? Coolness..

It is 1pm and I have not eaten yet today...need to get on that REAL soon.

I just stepped off my 15 hour train ride back from Kerala...totally Indian place but amazing! The Arabian sea, elephants, boats, parades, sting rays, palm trees...

I have my plane tickets to Africa in my possession. Hard to believe I will be visiting Kenya in 5 weeks.

I picked up my Saree today. Talk about one white belly! I am excited to put it all on and see how it looks :) ...gotta figure out how to get pics on here so you all can see...

What have I been learning this past week? About God's unconditional love for me and how much joy being in a relationship consisting of unconditional love can bring. Also, how to relax...letting God control the flow of life...

My new expression? Holy Cow! Living in India makes that a complex statement some how...
Every day when I go outside of my house I see new little kids in my neighborhood due to the construction of the two houses, one next door, one across the street. In India when people build a house they move into your neighboord and live in these little shack structures wherever there is empty space...then once the house gets up well enough they move into the structure until it is finished...I saw a new girl today...she was so sweet. I smiled and waved at her and I saw her run to a new place once I started up my stairs so she could watch my assent...

On my way to accountability today I saw...kids on their way to school barefoot, cows, a little girl going to the bathroom on my street, a bus SO overloaded it was titled to the side where 7 Indians were hanging on the outside of the bus door, a male construction worker put a piece of marble that had to weigh at least 50 pounds on his head to carry it to the construction sight he was working on...India...the land of true manual labor...

I am leaving in about 5 minutes for the next state over. My friends and I are going to video and take pictures of the famous Nehru Trophy Snake Boat race taking place in Kerala this weekend. I am excited as I have always wanted to visit Kerala, AND it will be my first time to step foot on an Indian (well, Asian for that matter) beach! Well, I must go, my 12 hour train ride awaits...

I sit here amused at what a contrast there is between the color of my legs and the color of my arms...OH India...

I JUST found out my brother and his wife are going to be having a baby girl! How cool is that?? I just got the 3D sonogram (is that how you spell that?? I have no idea!) pictures from him and they are SO cool. You can see the babies whole body and everything. Technology, it is amazing really. How sad that I will be missing the first months of my very first niece's life, but it is all good. She will still be wonderfully cute when I get home...whenever that is!

What brought a smile to my face in India today? Watching this guy on his bike peddling as hard as he could trying to keep up with the barage of vehicles on Indian roads (motorcyles, scooters, auto rickshaws,buses, cars and trucks) with the HUGEST smile plasterd on his face. I JUST knew the dude had a huge smile on his face as he was peddling like a mad man so when I turned around to see if it was so, IT WAS!
I bought my first saree the other day and it will be ready on the 13th! How exciting...too bad I don't know how to put one on yet...but I will learn since I will be wearing it for the festival at my landlord's house at the end of the month.

I have been playing tennis almost every day now and today I won 6-2,6-0. Happy day that the weather was SO nice and for once my game was not interrupted by rain! A summer day with out monsoon rain?? Is it possible? :) I really wish I could show you all a pic of the tennis court that my friend and I play on...does it have a net? Um, yeah, but it is a chain link fence! So, I am sure you can imagine what the rest of the court is like...I aced the person I play with today b/c I happend to serve my ball right on the crack that runs right down the middle of our court and it bounced crazily away. OK, now I actually have served a few aces that were legit but this one in particular was junk! If I may use the term ghetto here..and maybe one day I will get a pic up online of the craziness we play on...my friend said yesterday "Imagine the day we get to play on a real court"....imagine...My quote from yesterday was "Ben, I need to go to forehand camp".

Is it possible that I got on the scale the other night and I only weigh 120 pounds??? What, that is ok, I used to weigh that, in uh, 8th grade?? I have lost almost 20 pounds this year...wowzer.
TK. That is OK in Indian. I need a shower so I can get in my nice bed... Sleepy, sleepy girl...

So, has it been THAT long since I have been able to write anything in here?

Life is changing at what seems to be warp speed these days. I have been away from home 2 out of the last 2.5 months and I must admit is it nice to be back in my own comfy bed! OK, comfy by Indian standards
I don't have much to say right now as I feel pretty wordless but I wanted to get back on here and get this going again.

OH. My sup did talk to me today about the possibility of me moving to another country...hmmm. More on that later if more comes of it...